WAYS TO COMMUNICATE

Communication is a key skill for life, children's development in building healthy confident communication starts at home and school by observing how people around them interact. They listen to the words used; tone in delivery and body language displayed. Children can of course mix up methods of communication; the way they deliver a message may not always be how it is received and vise versa. A great way to help children develop confident communication skills for life is to teach them about three different types of communication – passive, aggressive and assertive.

Passive communication often involves a lack of eye contact, avoiding talking about ones own feelings and needs. It may involve agreeing to what others want all the time or trying to please others around them. Children may shy away and look at the ground or shuffle when using this style of communication. Often this type of communicators tries to avoid problems.

Aggressive communication can be seen as forceful, angry and blaming. Children may act rude or bossy. On the playground this may look like children telling others what they can do or can't do. Children using this style of communication often point fingers and can have intimidating body language. Aggressive communication can feel confrontational.

Assertive communication involves the use of eye contact, using respect to express feelings and needs of all involved. It uses problem solving skills rather than giving in or conflict to address issues. Children who are assertive stand tall without intimidating, they have open body language.  Assertive communication uses, I feel statements to help explore feelings and events.  To help your child develop assertive respectful communication, teach them to use statements that name feelings and events eg: "I feel sad (feeling) when you said I could not play with your (event)". Teach them to reflect on how they speak now and gently guide them if their tone is harsh or timid. Allow children to explore feelings and to examine the feelings of others. Help them put things in perspective, before they react or respond by looking for worst case scenarios.  Teach them to ask clarifying question eg: "It sounds like you are mad when you tell me not to play with you , is there a problem?" this allows people to clarify and reflect on what and how they say things. Model this type of communication at home. A child who can confidently express how they feel is able to face many of life's challenges with resilience.